Assassin ninja wannabe

a friend introduced me an online buying site and it's real hilarious shit, oh to me at least. so much that i LOL-ed for the whole night while surfing it till 6am. i've got no clue whether it is legal. so let me declare that:
1) no part of this entry is advertising the products shown for real
2) this entry is not created to defame the featured company
3) this entry is created only for one thing, fun

to begin here, i present http://www.tbotech.com/ which markets self defence products.

Stun Master pretty young ladies out there, you might need to carry this in your prada or lv handbag. it costs 80 bucks but protects your chastity from big bad wolves. it has got a warranty of life-time too. check it out, it is good investment.

WildFire Pepper Spray

this is yet another useful self defence tool that is highly effective. however, i think it crossed the line of self defence. read on.

WildFire pepper spray is an inflammatory agent. It will induce coughing, choking and nausea, as well as dilating the eye capillaries resulting in temporary blindness. The mucous membranes will swell to prevent all but life support breathing causing the assailant to be temporarily incapacitated. A one second burst of WildFire pepper spray will stop an attacker for up to 45 minutes without causing permanent damage. Both sprays have 6-10 one second bursts and the effective range is 8-10 feet.

am i right? it's more of you attacking the assailant. you would have done more damage to the snatch-thief than he did to you if he's just intending to snatch your purse that holds thirty-five dollars. rofl pwned. poor thief.

after browsing on, i began to realize MOST of the products sold have actually crossed the line. the following products have almost no linkage with self defence.

what does this look like? some toy sold at three-for-ten dollars at the pasa malam? NO! it's a fucking rifle crossbow for your info. oh buddha! crossbow = self defence? i thought crossbow = ancient war/hobby. i mean, with advanced technologies, we don't carry crossbows around in poly and blast off some aggressive beng's head right?

ah, yes. and if you insist on getting a crossbow though you can't fucking aim, here's an aid for you. please do not go "OH DAMN, IT'S FIFTEEN DOLLARS!" spare a thought for others. your mere fifteen bucks could save innocent lives.

Havok

i LOVE this to the core. sexy isn't it? so much that i figured out how i could buy it. imagine whizzing around town like a super hero ninja and showering a sky of ninja stars on the baddies. the hero will go broke or something. about 12 bucks for a star. i think it is more cost efficient to buy a revolver and a dozen of magazines.

anyway i can't throw stars for nuts. maybe i'll get these cheaper ones for a start.

Ninja Climbing Set
check out the ninja foot spikes, hand claws and grappling hook. it's so LOL. who in this urban city needs that? equipped with that, maybe i can get into istana within a few leaps and say HELLO to mr s r nathan. (: see, having all these self defence weapons and gadgets, WHO NEEDS TO PLAY MAPLE STORY? WHO NEEDS TO BE AN ASSASSIN IN ORDER TO THROW STARS? rofl.

and by the way, i saw the above at the bottom of the webpage. WHOA! supported by major credit cards, meaning high chance that it's legal. peeps, get your defence gadgets into the cart today!

Other products
-tasers
-bear sprays
-pepper spray rings
-maces
-voice changers
-handcuffs
-police batons

enjoy.

Monday blues + 10 hours in school = ?

i've checked out my new timetable for the semester. at first i was kind of happy because i saw the right-most column blank and thought friday's an off. but awww, it's the saturday column actually. so with no delay, i had a quick glance through it to see how unlucky can i get.

monday, 8 am to 6 pm with two hours of break. OI! TEN HOURS?! I GO KINDERGARTEN FOR TWO HOURS PLUS, SECONDARY SCHOOL FOR ABOUT FIVE HOURS. NOW POLY TEN HOURS, UNI TWENTY HOURS IS IT? okay la, luckily it isn't everyday.

i hope the lab lesson in between the two breaks is not compulsory. this way, i can nap or go somewhere to bum around. i know school's on, we as students should start studying or even look like we are studying BUT BUT BUT, i have five hours of the same lecturer, four to c programming and one to semester project. pray hard the lecturer isn't boring or confusing because i think c programming is similar to java programming in some way.

anyway, after all these shit above its tuesday! where school starts at 3.10pm and ends at 6pm. meaning... AFTER LESSONS ON MONDAY CAN PARTY! aiya, but who can party with me? boo.

wednesday and thursday isn't as bad as an armageddon but yes, friday again is a ten-hour day at school with eight hours of lessons. thinking on the bright side, maybe those e-learning and self-learning aren't compulsory. okay, chuck these aside and enjoy the last 7 days.

by the way, the traffic police suspended my dad from driving for three months. isn't that bad but he has got to attend some course costing $73.50. some course at east coast road safety park a maybe? seventy-three dollars and fifty cents? good business huh.

We hit the roads once again

hi, i'm back from road trip 2005 (part 2) this morning and have brought back some pictures as i promised. wonder why do we go for such trips to get tired, dirty and muscule strains? we ourselves don't know why but after pondering, we came up with 3 reasons to it.

1) we are adventurous people with relatively big balls.
2) cycling within east coast park = wuss.
3) once in a while, we just have to remind ourselves how damn lucky we are to have public transport, unlike in some countries, africa for instance, where people walk to and fro the sahara desert barefooted.

the roadtrip unfolds.

at 9 plus, desmond and I cabbed to ecp first to grab a few bikes before the rental shops closes for the day. we took new bikes with acceptable suspension and it was quite cheap; 8 bucks for each for overnight. the rental shop ah ma was so nice that i wanted to call her grandma. she borrowed us flashing lights and a big chain lock. (we were stupid for this once, taking the flashing lights as reflectors and kept complaining why the heck no light was reflected from it for the first 2 checkpoints.)

allow me to advertise for this shop for quality services.

the owner told us that we need not return the bikes personally if we were too tired by then.

retarded. the 'reflectors' could only be seen when flash was used.

darren and johny reached slightly later and at around 10, zak the king joined us. we labelled him hero because he can cycle from balestier to ecp in merely 10 minutes. besides that, he cuts the traffic like tofu. beat that both. he's the real bad boy since he still joined us though there's school for him tomorrow.

presenting zak the king, who's only 15 and has attained superb biking tactics like cutting buses.

check point #1: how romantic
we left ecp and zak lead us down to kallang waterfront. the scenery by the river at night was nice but no pictures. i don't risk getting unwanted attention, like being interviewed by mediacorp for publishing unhealthy materials. xiaxue did, see?

check point #2: the greatest fall of all time
in the future for your safety, never listen to emo while cycling. i repeat. NEVER LISTEN TO EMO WHILE CYCLING. i was listening to the song 'the greatest fall of all time' and that's it. whamp! and i got it.

while gunning down the park connector beside esplande, i skidded on some mud and my bike was flung 10 metres. i was thrown foward 20 metres like a bean bag and landed safely, in a pool of crimson blood.



OKAY, kidding. i wouldn't be blogging here and would be knocking on heaven's door instead if that had happened. actually, i was speeding down the park connector and had a rather bad fall after my front wheel skidded on a blob of mud. i lay on the pavement waiting for the pain to cease before i got up again.

my elbow wasn't spared.

my limbs aren't spared either.

the greatest fall of all time indeed. my mum did NOT abuse me for your info.

but thinking on the bright side, i was kind of relieved because... heaven wasn't harsh on my balls!!! luckily i was thrown off the bike a little. else daddy would have lost 50% chances of getting grandchildren.

the last thing i saw before i fall.

sorry, but for some damn reason, blogger doesn't allow me to upload more pics. i'll continue in the next post.

continued

YAY! can upload pics again. oh ya, and by the way, here was roughly when we dumbos realized there's a switch behind the rumoured 'reflector'. it's a flashing light after all!

this was under a bridge, where i rested after the fall and where zak fell asleep.

so dark. thankfully no extra freaky kawaii-neh-glare-upwards head popped in.

oi! fall down already, still can smile?

our little friend.

check point #3: singapura, oh singapura
this is just a little down the road. in fact, it supposed to be check point #2 if i didn't fall. with renewed vigour, the injured man hopped onto his bike and we cycled down to merlion park, a memorable place to lepak. this was when the pain sets in. ouch. it didn't hurt as much when i just fell, but no sweat. that is what it takes to be a man, LOL. we lay on the stone steps by the singapore river and gazed at the stars. suddenly, we felt lame and mimiced the bangla prank call. rofl. darren's obsessed with geylang or something. he kept repeating, "next stop go geylang leh!" for 324589073425 times.

i love singapore.

this is the platform above the river at merlion park.
i dated with a girl at the very spot where the light is 2 years ago.
the fluorescent was fused back then. hah.

check point #4: pool junction
after finishing our lame jokes for the moment, we headed for geylang pool juntion at middle road. it drizzled suddenly and we sped up to reach our checkpoint. we went for a quick prata bite at the indian mama and proceeded to pj to pot a few balls since the drizzle turned heavier.

check this out if you play pool.

check point #5: darren's geylang!
the rain stopped and we headed for darren's favourite! finally, we found out that he isn't that desperate. he just wanted to go geylang because there's some ramadan pasa malam going on and there's loads of food being sold. we all felt cheated. we reached there by 3am and this is what we saw...

dissapointment, like my results.

damn it. the rain actually stopped for a half-time break before it went into play again. we took shelter at some 24-hour mc donald's and waited for the full-time whistle.

check point #6: random
despite the rain, we felt that we shouldn't delay any more and braved the rain since it wasn't that heavy. we cycled towards town in search of 24-hour food areas. zak parted with us there and we continued looking for food. we found a mc donald's at lido and swensens at crown prince hotel. of course, we took the economy one.

i'm lovin' it.

we rested and planned the timing and route for our last 2 check points.

check point #7: the forbidden route
it's all decided here. we'll make a quick return by entering the the highway nearby. sorry, no pics here. it was 5.10am already and we couldn't delay anymore as the traffic will get heavier soon. with heavier traffic, it's also likely that we get booked by the coppers. by the way, it's an $80 fine each if we got caught. on reaching the entrance of the highway, we switched off our flashing lights and pushed our bikes up to the peak.

check point #8: the grand final
we helped each other's bike over the highway barrier and got ready for the free roller coaster ride. off we went downslope! that was the 'highest' part of the whole trip. we bolted down and reached the exit of the highway in one single piece. praise all the gods! for this is a multi-religion nation. after all the thrill, we travelled a rather long route back to OUR HOLY LAND, ecp mc donald's! it was 6.10am by then, exactly an hour after leaving from lido's mc donald's.

check point #9: home sweet home
we had breakfast and chatted till when the bicylce shop was about to be opened. this was the last time we had to get on a bicycle for the day. we cycled back to the bicycle shop to return the bikes. getting onto the bicycle seat after resting for so long was a torture! it's similar to having a 30mm-diameter-iron-nail up your ass in case you don't know. the last check point was travelled to by cab. how lucky are we.

damn the mud blob. now, simply taking off my shirt could make me curse and swear a thousand times.

complaints aside, we all look forward to road trip 2006!!

Ahlemak! here comes mr MUTHU!

i have the weirdest nightmare, trust me. do share yours with me if you think yours is even weirder. these usually occur after heavy suppers. weeks back, i had one about being chased by a dinosaur. that really sucks, there you are running like hell for your life and the dino catches up within several steps.

okay, now the real thing. i actually laughed at some parts although it's a nightmare. this is how it went. i was an assassin for no damn reason and was assigned to kill somebody in SA but i didn't know who or can't remember. my mission partner is really out of blue. he's some primary school friend that i haven't seen for ages and i didn't know why the hell he appeared in my dream. the worse part was carrying the gun, in singapore especially. we disguised ourselves as students of the school and searched the building for don't-know-who. finally, i chickened and out also preached to my partner some buddha scriptures that killing is wrong. here comes the funny part, probably to sa students only. we were at the 4th level around breaktime, thinking of how will we have our weapons disposed and mr muthu the discipline master happened to be on patrol duty.

"oi, the two boys over there. don't pretend not to see me and stay put."
facing me he said, "you, from 4st is it? i'll tell gordon goh about it."

oh christ, he actually remembered me and is going to complain to gordon goh, damn! next, we were brought to the yellow box (the place for the naughty boys to stand in) and i finally woke up after standing for some time.

remember boys, you are liable to be sent down to the yellow box for loitering around classroom blocks during break time yo.