sometimes, life is like...

finishing a damn marathon race to find out are disqualified?

(warning: this material may contain offensive language. rated M-18 under yit jing's censorship, so screw it.)

somtimes, you realise how unfair life is.

how the bridge is not laid in your path.

how the bridge snaps in front of you.

but in wadeva case, just fark it cos that is life.

a journey that is never always smooth.

think of how lucky you are now,

probably resting one hand on the keyboard,

the other on the mouse.

how much better you look than a mofo in your class,

being able to read THIS chunk off your monitor screen,

and later when you are thirsty,

being able to walk to your kitchen to get a drink.

sit back, don't sigh.

close your eyes,

take a deep breath.

enjoy the O-two you are taking in...

yJ.runaway-

-close-

today is tuesday, and next monday is the start of o levels. although she still pop out in my mind sometimes, i took wenxin's advice, 'just fuck it.' recently, i've been out studying. although i was distracted outside, but it was still better than home cos at home it's even worse. like now, i'm on my comp again. esplanade library rocks totally. its like a club? yea. a cafe, dancing section, music room where this bitch played horrible violin, great variety of audio cds, cd players and headphones, nice comfy couches and cushioned armchairs. yea, and not to forget, mini-theatres. the studying space there is like a bar. high stools and benchs, just lacked john walker and discoball. darren was super not shy yesterday, esplanade library had became like our house. He played a cd, left the headphone on the table and tuned it to a high volume so both of us could hear the music. i grade esplanade library a 9. the 1 deducted was cos a bitch woke me up when i was sleeping and the food there is costly. we saw the restuarant, 'space - my humble house' or something like that and think it wasn't really humble. the environment there is very future, like in some huge spaceship. of course i didn't enter. darren and me will start saving and we'll go there for a meal after the o's. we then left for thomson prata and chit chatted till 10 plus before i headed home.

esplanade library is my new hangout!

and yes, i repeat, 'air guitaring is fooking gay, agrees with nic.'

i think this country is urgently in need of thoughtful people. i was boarding NEL train and when this pregnant lady got on, i was expecting this gentlemanly dressed man to give up his seat cos he was closest to the door. but that bastard didn't, he glanced at the lady and went back to his papers. if he could read this, "damn you, if you are not willing to give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you, burn your papers. no point having all the knowledge from it, you have no honour." okay, i shall chill. i gave up my seat to that pregnant lady and brought myself weird stares, i dunno why. i went for english lesson today and as usual, late. i think huang's lesson is getting more and more lively, not boring like what it was.

we played soccer in the basketball court after english lessons. its so fun, especially i didn't play soccer for ages and i was wearing jeans? i scored one against loy aka van der sar and the rest went over the crossbar. im turning beckham lol. it was fun, full of laughter and definitely brought up my sucky mood by a little. another thing that lit up my day a little more was being able to touch the basketball ring with my fingers. soon i'm gonna pull the ring!

anyway i'm having a bad stomach. no more tom yam and raw eggs for tomorrow okay. my mum thought i was attempting suicide. i relieved myself at punggol plaza's toilet and heard the songs, air supply - all by myself and seven lonely days make a lonely week by dunno who. nice songs.

seven lonely days make a lonely week.
fifty-two lonely weeks make a lonely year.

times and again it happened to me..standing in my own quiet corner, using eye power and not fighting for what i wanted. should this be yet another time? i dunno.

i walked you home, and i thought of alot of things to say but for some reason, they just didn't come out of my lips.

i'm feeling awkward, maybe cos you are so close and yet so far from me...

i said i was fine in front of her.

i'm actually not. i seem to be so cool, but actually just putting up a brave front. i quite regret that last night, i just told you that i had a crush on you which grown into something more. actually, just three words, i love you. i also regretted saying that i was not trying to get anything from you, although i know that it was quite hopless already. why do i always wanna show that i'm a strong person?

today i went school for lesson. carol yap knew that i was facing something unpleasant and gave me some lolly pops to cheer me up. her lesson was quite fun, we crapped alot. after chemistry lesson, i jus tagged some of the classmates to play pool. i sucked, i was totally off, bothered in the mind. i was quite pissed that the sushi buffet deal was cancelled because i need a huge feast, to feast away all my sorrows. just now, i met bei yuan and we talked ant chilled out. sucks man, there was no bus and i walked like 3 or 4 km home, so tiring, reach home at 1am. next time i gonna make him come my area instead of me going his.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.

what can i do to make you mine?

hey felicia. I know its kinda late, but I got something to tell. It may not really be important to you but it is to me. Im sorry I hid it from you till now. I had a crush on you which now grown into something quite more. I'm not saying this to try and get anything from you, but I just want you to know hw I feel. Good luck with ur eyecandy alritee. ((:

this is what i told her. definitely relieved myself although YES, it hurts. she apologized and said she was speechless. although i admit that i'm not pleased at all, moody, fooked up but what i said is like dropping a huge rock somehow. guess i would be able to study and focus slightly more since now i've got nothing to worry for, no one to jio.

i dun dare to say that i love you more than the marist, cos there's nothing to measure. but after listening to loy's inspiration story and after a little thinking, this is for you. i love you, i love you and i love you again. i hope our friendship bond will be stronger in the future. and last of all i'll always be there.

i shall stop this empty mushy crap which she probably wouldn't get to read. things to note.
-YIT JING, next time you like a girl, react fast, just whack.
-YIT JING, dun wait for things, run after them.
-YIT JING, dun so shy, be more confident.
-YIT JING, dun be afraid or indecisive. cos you are the man.

lastly, i wanna take a whole lot of people who encouraged me, gave me advice. gave me tissue. (I DUN CRY)

yt told me to just give a whack and jio her cos its part of growing up.

desmond and others told me to jia you and beat anyone that comes in the way, not literally.

the vp shared about never never never never never never never give up.

yesterday the principal walked into the hall during the mocks and told us wadeva, just never give up hope on yourself.

i really thank all these peopple. although for me, i felt that i've already lost half the battle but guess i would fight on, give a shot and so i won't have regrets since i've already tried.

last night i talked to my brother about my prob. and he could actually anticipate me. i just told him i'm sad and he just asked, boy-girl stuffs? he's damn cool la, after listening to my crap he just say, bro, go poly next time whole bunch you pick la. it just sound so xiao sa, which should be coming out from my mouth instead of his. anyway,i got back my report today, R5 29 (nutcase) R4 18 (surprisingly). same comments, saying i need to move away from distractions. but sadly, they are all around me. i guess moving away is just in the mind, so hope i can do it soon. anyway i was quiet sad when gordon goh talked to the class today. i'm already missing 4ST, the greatest class, with all kinds of special people. he told me that i'm smart, just that i'm still sleeping and i'll wake up. but its a matter of time that i wake. quite sad eh. tomorrow is farewell assembly, sad. i'm now feeling super warm for no apparent reason. sucks man. air con's 25 degree and its still so bloody warm despite the cups of water i drank. no more whacking of alcohol to fall alseep i guess.

i'm willing to take nine hundred and ninety-nine if you are willing to take one.
but... will you?

i'm just frustrated today. but firstly, wanna thank chunli who reminded me that i'm the gung ho kick butt jingy still. and i wanna salute loy who can steady steady secretly admiring this girl for four years without blurting out anything about his feelings to her.

a thousand steps away from you.
you take one.
i take nine hundred and ninety nine.
for you.

give a pat on my head.. a packet of sweets and tell me.. 'little boy.. it's alrite..'

toppled a cup of xo mixed last night, super clumsy yea? i got another and drank. it brought me to a deep sleep, just with a little thought of her before dozing off.

well of cos, was moody in school and slept through the chemistry mock cos i could only attempt a few of those questions. only for english, i really tried for the mock paper 2 and summary.

after recess, e maths mock papers again. kaiyu and i played a fool with mrs tilaka lai ping and that accordingly to her, earned kaiyu a very 'nice' testimonial from mr lam.

went meridien to play pool with classmates. 4ST rocks again. damn, gonna miss it soon.

today i felt better slightly.

a glimmer of hope and i will not fall

i'm uncute
i've no charm
i'm unattractive
i can just scram

friends told me she's just testing me about mentioning some other stranger school boy is cute.

yea, i can take what they say as reasonable. her birthday is coming soon. i was about to ask her wad flowers she likes.. then before i could, she told me that today, she saw him again and now she wants to ask for his number and asked me how to.

should i just scram?

*ponders*

damnnn.. 28 days to o's levels? i dunno how it gonna feel like. its so different, a month before psle, i was slacking away. for o's i'm also slacking too but i feel this unease while slacking. gathering notes only where some of my friends finish studying, and doing it the second time.. WTH, i better start now, rightaway.

WHITE CHICK!

friday, started pretty screwed. some mofo stick gum on a chair and it got sticked up my arse. i was stranded in an extremely stinky toilet using the sharp corners of my badge, trying to scrap off the mess off my pants. damnnnnnnn.. i'm gonna bust your ass, if i know who the heck you are. after school, actually wanna go sushi buffet but some how ended up watching white chick with brian, nic and avan. the nigs are cool! its super super funny!! dun mind watching again. WHITE CHICKS ROCKS.