Your HTML is fucked up, says Blogger

Hello, I guess the renovation is almost complete. Actually, I didn't even want to change anything but I got bored, fiddled with the blogger functions and couldn't get my old template back because is says...

We were unable to save your template

Please correct the error below, and submit your template again.

Your template could not be parsed as it is not well-formed. Please make sure all XML elements are closed properly. XML error message: The content of elements must consist of well-formed character data or markup.

Give me a break man. In school, my lecturers stress on having well-formed codes and now, blogger which initially didn't give a shit decides to behave like a lecturer. So strict? Exam huh?

Looking at previous codes which has seemingly thousands of unclosed tags and poor identation, I decided to make something simple with the functions I fiddled around with earlier on.

Anyway there's a bug in the customizing functions and I was returned some error message when ever I tried to remove the ugly blog title from my banner. So what I did was...

You noticed that thin little line that looks like the fish poop in your aquarium.

If I can't remove you, I'll deflat you.

Out.

Under Construction!!!

Under Construction!!!

Use rubber wear for safety (boot, gloves, etc)
Avoid whips, chains and handcuffs

If you think my blog is fucking messy now...

CALL TODD! 6751 1827. HUGE FUCK-UP ONLY!

If only Motivation comes in a form of Tablets.

Hi guys, guess how's my progress?

Honestly, I've only moved by 50 to 450 and today is already Wednesday. The slow rate I'm going at is due to motivation problem as well as being stuffed with quite some stuffs yesterday. Strangely, I'm not panicking at all or should I say, I've never really panicked over deadlines. Imagine staying back on a friday evening to night just to complete everything. Hah, hope that doesn't happens. If that is to happen, I'll use my other tasks as an excuse to crap my way throught. I mean, common sense tells us that customers are alive and Excel spreadsheets are dead right?

So I AM bored

Looking from the corner of my eye, I could see a little spider, and a web spun from my forehead to my elevated soft spikes.

I'm bored, thanks to my manager. He assigned me rubbish job such as auditing the company's employee list.

I've been doing it since last friday and now I'm only at 400/1200. Nevertheless, I had a nice weekend!

Ugh,

out.

Mr Tan Jia Jun (Part III)

This gonna be a pretty long one. During my working hours, Agent Conwoman rang again.

Con-bitch: "Hello, we are calling from *blah blah* company regarding the lucky draw the other day. Are you Mr Tan Jia Jun?"

Me: "Yup."

Con-bitch: "Do you remember about the phone survey you've helped us with and the ticket number?"

Me: "Yup."

Con-bitch: "I pleased to inform you that you've won yourself 150 000 HKD!"

Me: "Hmmm? You said 380 000 HKD during the last call. Can you confirm?"

I guessed that was some loop hole but continued to be interested. I was genuinely interested by the way, because reality was boring then.

Con-bitch: "Yes, confirm 150 000 HKD. I'll now tell you about our company's history."

Me: "Errrr, woahkay?"

Next up was a clearly inaudible speech of the company's history. The only thing I could understand was '20 years'.

How the hell did this turn into a history lesson? I don't care if Chen Shui Bian owns the company or if it stood since war-time. All I wanted was the promised cash of 150 000 HKD.

As she rattled on with her empire's company's glorious, majestic, massive and rich culture of five thousand years, I was already wondering what I could do with 150 000 HKD. It is about 28, 500 SGD after conversion, quite alot of money! With that, Dad can sponsor me lesser if I'm going into a private university, I can pay for Mum's medicine and I can go for a one-time shopping spree with baby.

So while Agent Conwoman was at 1560 BC, related me how the emperor CEO beheaded his queen and concubines and then finally had gay sex with the eunuch, I interrupted her.

Me: "Your company does have a website eh? Give me the address and I'll do the reading up myself.

Con-bitch: "Of course we have a website! Here you go. Age-T-T-P-mao hao-slasher-slasher-dabuyew-dabuyew-dabuyuew-dot..."

And even before the main part of the URL was told to me, I was covering my mouth hard to drown my jackass laughter. I was thinking, what in the heavens was 'mao hao' (colon) at the moment because I last time I had ever said it was when I was secondary 4. Let's continue.

"age-kah-zay-I-eiowler!-I-N-dot-cum"

That was the compiled version of what she said. The actual one was me trying to confirm with her at almost every letter until we came to an agreement that she will represent every letter with word examples. Here you go, http://www.hkjlin.com/.

After I've gotten the website, the helpdesk phone rang and I had to attend to it. I told her to call back in awhile but she called too quickly and I was still busy. And I never got any call till now after that missed call. There goes my 150 000HKD )':

So meanwhile, I'm still 'hopeful' and explored their consite website. Amazingly, it was bilingual so I selected the English version. It does look convincing at first glance but look on...

So the moment I entered their consite website, this enthusiasticly irritating flash greeted me; Unprofessional, along with the broken English. Have you ever seen "WELCOME MY WEBSITE!" on Microsoft's or IBM's website? It was nothing more than an eyesore.

Click to enlarge. Thinking that dumping in news of established companies increases your credibility? Now, what the fuck have Infosys seeking acquisition, Facebook lawsuit and Microsoft got to do with you? Try going through the news, each entry become less and less detailed as it goes down the list. Seems like the faker is tired of researching for fabricating stories.

I'm sorry that I don't understand about half the characters and therefore couldn't make out the meaning, but I guess I know enough to say that the Chinese and English news doesn't tally huh? Agent conwoman must have been, and still living under the rock now making calls her whole life. I'm highly suspicious that she had no idea Singapore is a bilingual nation.

AH HAH! This must be Agent Conwoman, whose company is so filthy rich that they're holding conferences in Malaysia everyday and giving away '2nd prizes' daily too! If you people are so rich, please get a better translator or at least send the web developer for English bridging classes. That message sounds so... directly-translated-from-chinese. My product to you? ROFL.

I tried logging in with a non-valid username and password but no error message was shown and I was directed back to the same page again. I suspect that they just linked the login button back to the home page. Looking at the whole condition of their consite website, I wonder what is there to see even if I could login. Check the status of my big-assed 150 000HKD? They are located in Kowloon somemore. So Ah Beng.

Now, this is funny.

Click on it to have a closer look. This is the company history which I told Agent Conwoman that I'll read on myself. I should have claimed that I didn't understand Chinese and maybe she'll read off this script. She claimed that her company deals with electronic appliances like handphones, digicams and such, but her company consite website states that they RETAIL SEX APPLIANCES, CHAIN OUTLETS SOME MORE! It makes me think what performance was that during the conference and now I regret not attending. Jinling self-proclaim claim that they have already become an "international famous trade" with 10k employees. I immediately googled their company name and the results return was pathetic. So pathetic that searching on the mama-shop opposite my place reaps more relevant results. I suppose Agent Con-woman is one of a few who forms the '10k employees'. Last point about this picture, can someone tell me what are 'cicadas' doing inside that chunk? Are they a pet shop or something?

This is their product page. Huge assortment of notebooks, hand cuffs, digicams, MP3 players, MP4 players whips PDAs, cicadas? mobile phones, routers and dildos. But, not a single word of detail on them. It just blows up when you click on the picture. Again, must I login to see them?!?! I can't believe that the developer actually bothered to do a product shot for all the items.

I entered their job advertisement page and this is what I saw. First, they placed 2 random con-bitch ladies over there followed by a small "invite applications for a job" and finally "No job". I figured out and will just assume that they're actually trying to throw a few catchy lines like "HEY JOBLESS? JOIN US TODAY!" Actually, they might be really unemployed for very long, till they got desperate and started a syndicate.

Click to enlarge the picture. I've poliltely sent message to them to enquiring on the cash that I've won. Sadly, THE SEND BUTTON WASN'T WORKING! Even the reset button is fake. However, I was really determine to own the prize money, so I scanned for contact details.

I dialled the phone number but but it was invalid. I'm not sure if there's some country code required but nevertheless I tried email-ing them to their email address, sever@hkjlin.com,

Click to enlarge anyway. So it was invalid too. Blown goes my prize money. MAY THEM BE SEVERED!!! (See? I was right about English bridging classes.)

The Suana

Hello, and I'm back again with my third episode of "Highlights of my working days".

Customers

The helpdesk team, along with me handle quite a number of customers a day. And if I'm to do a log on them, you'll realize there's a pattern in them. Some are so polite that we felt obliged to start on their cases right away and some are hell demanding. Some are IT idiots and some seem knowledgable but doesn't question. And sometimes, IT idiots pretend to be knowledgable and that's when it gets irritating.

There's a customer who frequents the helpdesk because she's the one who handles the new or problematic computers in her department. She've never failed to head over to my department with a loud entrance and by now, I'm like a fortune teller; I know she's coming even if she's a thousand nautical miles away. From what my colleague and I've see, she flirts to get the easy way.

Anyway, she's the one who gave us the prehistorical CPU and notebook bible. I didn't know what's her problem but she just doesn't seem to trust us (when we did almost all her PCs for her), perhaps because we're IA students (I heard some of them left behind a bad impression). So when that bible was pronounced dead, we (colleague and I) were supposed inform her by ourselves. Earlier on, we did consult the master surgeon, our supervisor and after diagnosis, "Try revive it. If cannot, call and send back," he said. So, we did as told but she requested demanded pressed that our supervisor should personally notify her of the status through email. One acronym for that; LPPL..

After that prehistorical CPU was fixed, my colleague called her up.

Colleague: "Hello, I'm calling from IT helpdesk. I'm looking for xx xxxx."

Woman: "I am."

Colleague: "Your PC is ready for collection."

Woman: "Ohhhh... okay already ah? *short pause* is it dusty? Later dirty my cloth..."

Colleague with his killer line: "Oh, we wiped it clean already."

Woman: "I see. Is it heavy?" (come on, you should know)

Colleague with his killer line again: "Not really, but don't worry. Got trolley."

Woman: "Huh, I want to just drop by after high tea leh" (She probably thought a trolley with her will make her look weird in the canteen.)

Colleague with his final killer line: "Your BU got guys hor? Go high tea together then later you all come over to collect?"

Woman: "Okay, bye."

Sorry lady, that doesn't work on our department. We are dull at hints (:

New Suana at work

My boss had modified a room near the pantry to become a suana for the department to lehpak during our breaks! Amazing huh? How many of you guys actually have a suana to belongs only to your department? (I'm NOT addressing those who work at suana palours.) I thought only T.T Durai was capable of doing that judging from his corrupt *take a deep breath* golden-tap-head-plus-golden-toilet-butt-rest-package issue. This suana is unisex but it doesn't really matter because the entire helpdesk almost practices monkhood, DURING WORK ONLY. There are only 2 ladies in the department anyway.

This is roughly how our new suana looks like...

Our boss isn't corrupt. We got greeted by a free suana last Thursday morning when the air-conditioner knocked on heaven's door the previous night. The servers overheated.

We didn't know it at the beginning, but only realized that when the network resources and emails went as slow as snail mail.

When I swung open the door of the server room, a whiff of warm air brushed my face. It was about 35 degrees celcius in the room with 5 racks of servers running. They sounded like some plasma rifle charging up and humming loudly, what you always see in Hollywood sci-fic dramas.

"Open the windows and fan out the hot air!"

That was what one of my supervisors said. It didn't seem that logical, for she was doing it with a pathetic sheet of A4-sized paper but everyone did as told without questioning. Colleague and I grabbed some sturdy cardboards for fanning but everyone's effort didn't seem to save the situation. Some network systems failed and calls flooded in like a tsunami hitting the shores. Although it was a disaster, colleagues and I made the best out of it (after all, we are only IA students) by thinking of funny lines to tell users if they call.

"Hi, our engineers are busy fanning the routers and can't attend to you at the moment. Please call again later."

"Hello, IT helpdesk. Hello? Hello? Yo? Can you hear me? I can't hear you."

*Just freaking pull out the damn line* There's a server problem anyway right?

Meanwhile, Derrick and I went went to look for electrical fans. We managed to get 2, one standing one and another power fan. I tried a small office next door and it pissed me off. It was this lady who sat closest to the door, have 897098 piercings on her nose, tried very hard to sound like a caucasian, tried even harder to appear like Megan Fox but was simply another Paris Hilton.

"Hello, excuse me. May I borrow the fan if you have one?"

Hilton raised her eyebrows, as if she was drawing an imaginary question mark above her head.

"The air-con in our server room broke down and we need a fan to cool it."

"We are tenants here and are not part of ST electronics."

"Woahkay?"

I didn't bother to make myself any clearer and left. It was as good as:

Harry: Hey Dick, what's the time now?

Dick: America.

Simply not making sense.

Anyway, the 2 fans did help and in the afternoon, a portable air-con unit was delivered to the server for temporal use before the faulty one was being repaired or replaced.

Yawn,

out.

"Oi! O$P$" "Eh, mai gei gao leh."

If your friend owed you a little money 5 years ago and you've totally forgotten about it. And if you are reminded someday, somehow and suddenly, would you call up your debtor?

My mum came into my room and left this on my table.

"Aye, borrow books must return. Don't always get fined."

I feel accused of course, because I knew I had paid my fine just 2 weeks ago and since then, have not borrowed any books.

I took a look at the letter and it was under my mum's name.

So what I saw was...

Item Details: Incredibly Creepy Stories

I did use my mum's card to borrow books when I lost mine last year but how would a 19-year-old like me borrow such books with cheesy titles? Perhaps if I'm primary six now, I would have.

Naturally, I went for the fine amount first after the book title.

Amount: $1.05

"Okay lah, one dollar only," I thought.

My eyes next scanned for the date and my eyes nearly popped out.

Date Incurred: 01-04-2000

Right! That was about 8 years ago! I don't deny that when I was primary six, I went to libraries to borrow books with cheesy titles. But why did they send the notify letter only after 8 years? Shouldn't it be written off as bad debts already? Now, it is highly suspicious that they do their accounting or auditing only once a decade.

I know it's blur, because I was too lazy to look for my digital camera. Click to try enlarge.

WAH LAO EH! ONE DOLLAR AND FIVE CENTS ALSO WANT TO GEI GAO!

Out.

Mr Tan Jia Jun (Part II)

While I was slacking in front of my computer just now, my Nokia rang with it's obiang ringtone and I was greeted with a familliar voice.

"Hi, Greetings."

"Hello?"

"You're Mr Tan Jia Jun right?"

It took me a nanosecond before that name was registered into my brain.

"Yeah."

"I'm calling from *blah blah* company, we called you another day regarding handphone survey and the complimentary admission to function at Century *blah blah*."

Oh, so it is Agent Conwoman back in action, I thought. Do they actually memorize that or do they read from a script? They sound almost like a recorded message or a freaking parrot.

"Uh-huh?"

"And we are glad to inform you that you've won 2nd price in the lucky draw during the function! It is worth 38..."

Winning the first prize definitely sounds like a made up story and so they used second I guess. I didn't know what had gone into my head at the moment. My brother happened to stroll into my room and "KOR! HUAT LIAO AH!!!"

After the craze died down, I got back to the agent.

"Hello? Hello?"

"Toot... toot... toot..."

Sorry lah, my fault. But people first time win thirty-eight something peanuts mah, definitely will excited. Now they clicked the phone on me leaving me in much disappointment.

Now, I hope they call back again to inform me about the procedures of collecting my 38-something and not pocket it.

Read about Kenny Sia's incident, he even recorded the conversation for his case and it's real funny how he conned them back.

ps: Wah lao eh, milk powder fake, unagi fake, luncheon meat fake, char siew pao fake, thumb drive fake, barbie dolls fake, now company, function dinner, lucky draw also fake.